You and your children can finally settle down once the divorce is done right?  Things will finally get “normal”. Right? Wrong! Research shows that the impact of divorce on children is greatest in the first two years after the divorce.

Let’s start deconstructing the impact of divorce on children. The negative impact of divorce on kids is varied. Kids will experience more distress, anger, anxiety, and disbelief AFTER THE DIVORCE IS OVER. They are at risk of physical and mental illness, sexual promiscuity, poor school performance, potential drug &/or alcohol abuse as well as suicidal ideation.

Once The Divorce is Over:

• Younger kids don’t understand why they must go between two homes.
• They worry that if their parents can stop loving one another, why not them?
• Kids worry that the divorce is their fault.
• They may fear they misbehaved.
• kids assume they did something wrong.
• Teenagers are angry about divorce and the changes it creates.
• They will blame one parent for the dissolution of the marriage.
• Resenting one or both parents for the upheaval in the family is the norm.

Each situation is unique. In extreme circumstances, a child may feel relieved by the separation. Especially if there is a high level of conflict.

Why Do Some Children “Bounce Back” From the Impact of Divorce?

Parents can mitigate the impact of divorce on kids. For example, they can find professional resources. Parents play a major role in how children adjust to a divorce. What makes the difference is how much “resilience” is being infused by parents.

Resilience has four basic legs:

• Self-knowledge, and a sense of self grounded in self-esteem/self-worth
• Awareness and development of one’s unique skills, innate abilities, and talents.
• A sense of purpose or direction in life
• Practices, habits, and traditions.

Parents can consciously engage in building their children’s sense of “resilience”. And they can help their children avoid many of the risks and pitfalls of divorce. 

The best way that they can lower the impact of divorce on children is through modeling. Modeling how to feel without being dominated by those feelings. They can move through their own feelings of blame, betrayal, and anger for example.  Parents can exercise forgiveness of themselves and the other parent. They can create a new vision for their family and develop new traditions to build towards that vision.

This is the basis of our “Divorce-Proof Your Kids” Workshop. It’s a seven-week virtual workshop that gives parents a network of support with like-minded parents. It provides tools and education to mourn and release their marriage.  Methods to  help their children to develop new stability in their lives post-divorce.