There are seven reasons that are the go-to for Gray Divorce, but have you considered the risks? Studies show that adult children are often more impacted than their younger counterparts.
Gray divorce is on the rise as Baby Boomers age to the point where they are becoming “empty nesters”. As their nests empty, boomers are looking at their marriages and not liking what they see and as a result, are ending marriages of 20 plus years.
Here are the reasons they give.
1- “We’ve Simply Grown Apart”
This is the most commonly listed reason. Once the kids are gone, couples find that they had been so focused on “raising the kids” that they neglected their marriage. They just don’t feel compatible. Many of the other reasons are outgrowths of this basic complaint.
2- Passive vs. Active Lifestyles
One of you is a homebody, the other is outdoorsy, They want to travel, you want to watch TV. You just don’t have the same interests now that the kids are gone.
3- Sex
One of you wants sex, the other is done, sexual enhancement drugs won’t help when you´re just not interested. When the kids were around it was less of an issue but now you are ready to make up for lost time and they want to chill.
4- Longer Life Expectancy and Aging
You are a youthful aging person embracing the changes in your body. Your partner is complaining about aches and pains. You see that there are possibly 30 more years to life. Why not spend them with someone who makes you happy now that the kids are grown?
5- Self-Improvement
You see an opportunity to grow and develop now that your child-rearing mission is complete, your spouse wants to retire quietly.
6- Money and Spending Habits
7- Undo Past Regrets
You’ve now decided after all these years that being unhappily married, there is no better time than now (that the kids are gone) to finally start living again. Risks of Gray Divorce
The trigger for Gray divorce pretty consistently is “now that the kids are gone”. You may be experiencing one or more of these symptoms and considering a divorce. Look before you leap!
The statistics show that adult children are at least equally impacted if not more impacted than younger children. Because they view their children as adults, divorcing parents tend to lean on them for support putting their children in an untenable position.
At any age, children want to NOT be in the middle of their parent’s divorce. It puts them in the position of having to take sides which they never should be confronted with. They grew up believing that despite the differences (which they always saw) that you are just looking at closely, that you would always work it out. With that core belief being shattered, their self-concept and how they approach relationships has been eroded.
Keep Your Kids Out of The Middle
Adult children are in many ways more vulnerable than younger children when their parents are getting divorced.
- Don’t confide in them during the process.
- Continue to speak positively or not at all about the other parent to your children.
- Take time to explain to them why they are not at fault, the last thing they need to hear is you stayed married for them as this makes them feel responsible.
- Get outside help so that you have someone to help you stay on track and share your darker feelings with.
- Get help for your children, do not let them “tough it out” they will need as much support and perhaps more than a younger child in a divorce.
If you need more help, schedule a free discovery call with us and we´ll let you know what you can do next, or reach out to the FamilyKind ACOD committee