All couples argue from time to time. It’s perfectly normal. But if you find that you and your partner are arguing about the same things over and over again, it might be time to take a closer look at your relationship.
There are specific topics that long-term couples tend to argue about more than others. These are usually the things that are important to both of you and that you have different opinions about. Below are just a few examples of reasons why marriages fight, and to understand them better, we have written them in the form of questions.
Reasons Why Marriages Fight:
1. “What Do We Spend the Money On?”
Couples tend to fight about two main topics: money and sex.
Studies show that these are the areas that couples disagree on most often. For example, one partner may want to renovate the kitchen, while the other may not see the need.
Or one partner may want to send the kids to a private school while the other may want to keep costs down by sending them to a public school. These types of disagreements can lead to arguments and, if not resolved, can cause serious problems in a relationship.
How you spend your money says a lot about your priorities and values. If you’re always trying to save, you might be attracted to someone who likes to spend. But then you might end up fighting about it.
2. “How Often Do We Have Sex?”
Suppose one person in the relationship wants sex more often than the other. This can lead to tension and conflict if not addressed.
The thing is, most couples have a small discrepancy in their desired frequency of sex. This means that they don’t want sex as often as their partner does. However, they may think that the discrepancy is much larger than it actually is.
Some couples may only have sex 1-2 more times per week than the average couple, but because they communicate differently about it, it seems like they have a much bigger difference in libido.
Some wives may portray their husbands as always wanting sex, while the latter may portray their wives as never wanting it when they only differ by a small amount.
3. “Where Are We Spending Thanksgiving?”
The role of family members and extended family in a relationship can be critical, especially during holidays.
Spending time with each other’s families can be a difficult balance to strike, as it can impact not only the two of you but also your parents and grandparents.
4. “Were You Just Flirting with Him/Her?”
Jealousy is a feeling that arises when we perceive a threat to our relationship from someone else. It can manifest as possessiveness, insecurity, and mistrust. While a little jealousy can be flattering, too much of it can be destructive.
If you’re feeling jealous, it’s important to communicate with your partner and try to understand the root of your feelings. Otherwise, jealousy can ruin a relationship.
5. “Who’s Doing the Dishes?”
Sharing household responsibilities can be stressful if there is not a clear understanding of who is responsible for what.
Common sources of stress may include taking out the trash, managing finances, and dealing with household maintenance tasks like scheduling appointments and staying home from work to meet service providers.
6. “Why Do You Have to ‘Do a Certain Activity’ So Much?”
There are always things that we wish our partners would do differently in a relationship. Whether it’s a small thing like taking out the trash or a bigger issue like spending more time with us, it can be tough to deal with.
However, it’s important to communicate with your partner and try to find a compromise that works for both of you.
7. “Are You Mad at Me?”
You usually learn how you deal with anger from the family you grew up in.
Depending on how your family dealt with anger, you may tend to be passive-aggressive, clear and straightforward, or aggressive and defensive.
Your partner likely has their own way of dealing with anger, which may be different from yours.
8. “When Are You Going to Get Another Job?”
No one likes losing their job, which can be especially hard on a relationship. It’s important to be supportive of each other during this tough time.
If your partner loses their job, it is important to be supportive and understanding. However, you also need to be mindful of any financial concerns that may arise.
What Do I Do If We Keep Fighting?
Overall, having an argument is common in long-term relationships, and the more time you spend together, you’ll notice there are more and more reasons why marriages fight, but it is important that couples are able to resolve these disagreements in a healthy and constructive way.
If you’re really invested in your marriage and want things to improve, you should really consider having some marriage coaching. It has helped countless couples achieve what they could only dream of: a happy marriage, better than before!